Florida Chick Faces the Future

All throughout middle school and high school I had perfect skin. Annoying, I know, but the truth is that I only wore foundation to fit in with the cool girls, and I complained about having to use Oxypads every night even though I usually forgot about them until they dried up in their little cylindrical container. At one point I even wanted to send a photo in to Teen Magazine because they always had the top 5 of the month - best hair, best eyes, best skin, best smile and best profile. I'm not sure what the qualifications actually were but since it was before the time of .jpg files and photoshop, I suppose they just rifled through the pictures of wanna-be Miss Teen America's and voted on their favorites. I suppose that's also why I never got around to sending in a photo - it's one thing to send a photo via email or snapfish or picassa and completely another to take a photo, wait 48 hours for it to be developed at the corner pharmacy (I definitely wasn't going to ask my mom to pay extra for 24 hour development) bring it home, cross my fingers that one out of the 24 roll turned out well, send it in a SASE (A very trendy term also from the back of Teen), go to the post office, buy a stamp and get it in the mail.

A had a slight skin issue a few years ago when I had a few blemishes pop up here and there so I used my sister's Proactive. Came to find out that I am allergic to benzoyl peroxide, and instead of beautiful skin like Jessica Simson and Kelly Clarkson, I ended up with red swollen eyes that I could barely open and a band of red rash that ran across my face from temple to temple - it was like a pink raccoon mask with pillowy eyelids. Needless to say I didn't continue with Proactive, and everytime we see a commercial Kaitlyn asks, "isn't that the stuff that made your eyes swell up all funky?" Yes. yes it is.

Somewhere in the last few years, however, my skin has chosen to rebel. It's not enough that I no longer get carded and that I have to work out just a tad harder than I used to in order not to gain weight, but my skin has also decided that staying clear is overrated, and that I am no longer one of the special few who can boast about never having skin problems. Instead of getting wrinkles (which I'm not hoping for either) I'm getting acne. Not the occasional blemish kind either, but the kind that leaves me with red polka-dot cheeks and hurts to touch...I'm surprised no one's asked me if I have chicken pox. Ok, maybe it's not quite that bad, but my Dominican relatives (I say this because it explains their willingness to discuss my own faults with me as if it was their familial responsibility) have prescribed various remedies all having to do with honey - honey and salt, honey and oatmeal, honey and olive oil. My mom has even mixed me up her fail-proof organic honey and raw sugar scrub...and swears that my skin already looks better...hmmm. I'm not sure that my skin actually looks better, but I do have to say that the scrub is great to use because it tastes so yummy when it melts down my face and into my mouth. Anyway, I figure there's some sort of body karma going on - and just when I think I have something to brag about, pre-middle agehood kicks in and shouts, "just kidding!!"

So anyway, my 33rd birthday is coming up and I'm going to be asking for only two things...clear skin - because really, if I can't be 13 again (and honestly, isn't being 13 once enough?) I could at least ask to look like it, right? And smaller thighs...what the heck, if I'm going to have the skin of a pre-teen, I might as well have the legs to go with it!

Florida Chick Tries Pilates

After 7 days of getting my butt kicked by Jillian, I woke up this morning and decided I just couldn't take it any more. The truth is, I knew that if I had to do one more plank-jack, pendulum lunge, or squat-thrust I might just give up on this exercise thing altogether...I also knew that if I didn't do anything, I would probably not do anything tomorrow either...or the next day...or the next... so I compromised and found a nice 24 minute pilates workout (I love On-Demand) that I thought would get me through the hate cycle of my love-hate relationship with Jillian, without totally blowing the past 7 days of hard work.


Now, I've never done Pilates. I've done yoga and yogalates (a very trendy combo of yoga poses and pilates strength exercises...or that's what the brochure said anyway) but never plain ole pilates, but I've heard it's what the ballet dancers with amazing legs use so I figured what the heck. Now I'm sure that in general, pilates does amazing things...but I have to admit that after 7 days on Jillian's shred, the leg portion of the workout kind of reminded me of my highschool days when Monica and I would spend hours in legwarmers doing "Buns of Steel" in the living room; the knee squeeze exercise also brought back memories of using Suzanne Sommers' thigh master while watching 90210 - yes, we had a thighmaster.

The ab section was better, and I almost passed out when I had to do the 100 breath pulse thing - apparently a pilates staple...and although I initially wondered if it was really doing anything to improve my six-pack, as I'm sitting here writing, I'm realizing that I have a slight burning sensation in my stomach muscles - apparently the exercises need about 9 hours to brew before the pain really sneaks up on you.

Overall, the 24 minutes of pilates was a nice break from Jillian's constant demand for double jump ropes and walking push-ups, but I suppose that if I'm actually going to shred the size of my rear so that I can wear skinny jeans without looking like an upside-down triangle, I should stick to Jillian and let her continue to let her make me sweat and cry (yesterday Carson walked in and asked if I was OK) ...and if all else fails, I can always wear vertical stripes...

Florida Chick Returns

Contrary to popular belief, I have not crawled under a rock or fallen off the face of the Earth...I've just been lazy, well not exactly lazy, just lazy about writing. However, due to the fact that I have gotten a huge amount of flack for falling off of the New Year's resolution wagon, I've decided to make an effort update all of my followers (all two of you) and bring a little laughter to your life by making fun of mine...I figured a good way to start is by overviewing the last 6 weeks of my life - here goes...

In the past six weeks I've taken three classes through Southeastern University, making me somewhat crazy and completely crabby. I've maintained my well-earned streak of a 4.0 gpa, almost losing it when I had to assess the statistical validity and reliability of the FCAT and write an 8th grade Civics test that was based on state mandates and covered all areas of Bloom's Taxonomy...seriously.

I also took 12 7th and 8th grade girls to cheerleading camp for a week in West Palm Beach - this event completely changed my mind about my ability to parent a teenage girl and Kaitlyn is now under strict instructions to never hit puberty.

The day after arriving home from cheerleading camp, I left for two weeks in Michigan. It was 57 degrees when we landed and I had to buy new sweatshirts for the kids who currently own only school uniforms, ratty t-shirts, and shorts - none of which were all that appropriate for the frigid weather up north. My trip was highlighted by a slumber party with catalogs filled with unmentionably good items, low gas prices, and multiple bottles of pinot grigio shared with my mother-in-law. The downside was that after Kaitlyn's first week at sleepaway camp she was crying...not because she missed me, but because I had to pick her up. She had so much fun that she wanted to move in with her counselor - again, no puberty for her.

I've rounded out my summer with various other new activities. I've tried blue eyeshadow for the first time since seventh grade, and curling mousse which is an effort to embrace the Florida humidity instead of fighting it...both have been good choices, garnering me a "Mrs. V, you look so...relaxed," from one of my students. I suppose this is in direct contrast to the uptight and frustrated Mrs. V. that usually shows up in the classroom?

I've also become a baseball fan (seriously, I'm a VanHekken...you'd think it would've happened sooner) and can now name the starting line-ups for the Marlins, Cubs and Tigers and make completely appropriate baseball statements when I yell at the T.V. - most of which are aimed at Dan Uggla's ridiculous spot as the 5-hitter, or Fredi's insistance at playing Bonifacio instead of Gload...see, don't I sound professional?

In all, I've spent the last 6 weeks doing everything in the world except for writing. But I have good excuses...and I'm all about making excuses whenever possible (for example, my legs are sore, I might not be able to work out with Jillian tomorrow morning) and placing blame on things totally out of my control (like, the Marlins play at 7 every night...its their fault I haven't been writing). Oh well, according to my BFF Laine, they say that it takes 14 days to create a habit...here's to day one...or actually day 206...but who's counting?

Florida Chick Does Her Part

I have been completely offline for the last 7 days. I've basically been ignoring all of my friends, family, and responsibilities in order to completely submerge myself into the incredibly addicting world of Edward and Bella. If you have read Twilight you know what I'm talking about...honestly, I thought it was ridiculous that my friends were into vampire stories...until I read it...and ditched my entire life to become involved in their saga.

I did take one break this week...actually, I only had about 50 pages left in Breaking Dawn and I was trying to make it last as long as possible...so I took that opportunity to do my civil duty and go see the movie Earth. Now, most of you know that I fall fairly close to the tree-hugger range of environmental friendliness. I carry my envirobag with me at all times just in case I need to make an emergency trip to the store and God forbid they offer me plastic, and (to the embarrassment of my family) I've been known to pull recycleables out of public garbage cans to bring them home and put in the recycle bin. (Seriously people, stop throwing Gatorade bottles in the trash!) So you can imagine my excitement about this movie...landscape, animals, nature...disturbing animal death scenes. Yes, that's correct, I had to cover Carson's eyes multiple times to keep him from seeing the elephants being mauled to death by the lions and the gazelle being taken down by the cheetah. Yes, I know it's the circle of life and all of that...but I just wasn't prepared to answer my 5 year old's questions about animals dying...really Disney, prepare a parent ahead of time please.

Regardless of the animal deaths, the movie was beautiful. Amazing shots of gorgeous, lush rainforests and rushing rivers made me even more excited to do my part in protecting the Earth. In fact, I was so anxious to do my civil duty that as we left, my friend Maxine and I noticed the bloodmobile in the parking lot and made a last minute decision to continue with our warm fuzzy feelings of helping others and donate blood. Now you have to realize that we had 5 kids with us as well...which turned out alright since the bloodmobile is heavily stocked with snacks (usually for woozy post-donation volunteers, but apparently also for hungry, bored children of civil-minded mothers.) It wasn't actually until I was laying in the chair with a needle in my arm that I began to wonder about the legitimacy of the operation. I mean, honestly, at what point do you just walk into a glorified RV and let them stick a needle in your arm...oh that's right, it comes right after the high of knowing a tree was planted in your honor for attending an eco-friendly movie.

Oh well, it actually turned out to be a legit operation (I think) and I feel a certain sort of pride in knowing that in one day, I cleared some CO2 out of the atmosphere and helped someone who might need blood...which brings me back to Twilight...which I finished Friday night and I think might have contributed to my slight depression all weekend. But no need to fear, I'll snap out of it...I'm starting the series again tomorrow, like they say - reduce, reuse, recycle!

Florida Chick on Staycation

It always seems that for us, Spring Break ends up being nothing more than an extended period of Spring cleaning and errand running, catching up on doctor and dentist appointments, and hours spent listening to choruses of "I'm bored" which start at about 2pm on the first day of vacay...but not so this Spring break - oh no, we decided to go all out and take all of the economists advice and vacation where we live. Fortunately for us we live in Florida and not DesMoines(a staycation would be much less fun there I'm thinking) and taking full advantage of our vacation time...we did nothing.

I don't mean nothing in the bad way - you know - the kind that leads to kids whining on the couch because they have nothing to do and there is nothing on T.V. I don't even mean it in the way that that nothing is actually something but involves spending too much money on something you shouldn't have spent money on (ie: "Hi honey, what did you do today?" "Oh nothing." (while shoving a new pair of sandals further into the trunk of the car - not that this has ever happened)).

Anyway, we did nothing this week as in the only work I did was check the time to make sure the kids had a fresh coat of sunscreen every hour, and make one trip to the Dollar Store to replace the first set of water sprayers that were broken in a particulary tough battle by Carson against opposing 5 year olds. We ate out every night (I only had to wash one coffee mug every day - and actually I only rinsed it out since I was reusing it every morning). We ate chips and salsa, slushies, ice cream, and multiple bags of sour skittles and butterfinger minis. We walked the Broadwalk, sat in the sun for hours, read People, US and Oprah, and collected seashells on the beach.

I have to admit that even though Florida has its pitfalls (crime, taxes, home prices, July, jellyfish, mosquitoes, healthcare) it's really nice to be able to spend an entire week relaxing at the beach which is only .8 miles from home...especially when my friends back home (who have little crime, low taxes, and much better healthcare options) are still wearing winter coats...hey it's only fair...I'd trade tanlines for lower taxes - but not in March...I'd take tanlines in March anyday!

Florida Chick Lashes Out...Again

I've had the mascara issue for as long as I can remember. It wasn't helpful that this morning my eyelashes clumped together in a sticky black glob and looked nothing like the mega 60 volume that Maybelline had promised, but I haven't written them a strongly worded email yet, so it's really my own fault...I haven't switched to Great Lash either like I had planned (check the January blogs if you are completely lost on this topic) so, like I said, I deserve the clumping and globbing that I get.

This weekend, however, I had an especially important Hollywood gala to attend...okay, it was actually a school auction, but the theme was Hollywood, so I decided to go all out and glam it up with big hair, smoky eyes and amazing lashes...and not wanting to leave it to chance (or to Maybelline) I went out and bought $6.00 lashes at CVS. $6.00!! and that included the glue and the applicator!

I have to say that I was a little apprehensive when I looked more closely at the packaging and noticed that my lashes were 100% authentic human hair...but then I read that it was sanitized human hair and I felt much better about the whole thing. I pinched the lashes with the plastic applicator, squeezed on the glue, matched them up to my lashline...and voila! Amazing 100% human hair lashes...no Maybelline needed. They really worked well for me all night...I mean, they kept rubbing wierdly against my nose, but I figured if that was the worst of it, it was worth the constant wondering about exactly whose sanitized hair I was wearing - and where do they get human hair for eyelashes? The floor of the salon? or is it donated when someone dies - like organs? Aside from these incredibly morbid questions, my eyelashes held up well...unlike my friend Beth who also attempted the CVS lashes, but ended up with one set flapping into her eyes before we even made it into the party...I tried to help her reattach them, but instead, she pulled them off and applied the mascara that was hidden in her purse "just in case."

I actually liked the lashes so much that I reapplied them the next morning for Kaitlyn's softball game. Wearing them to softball though, really didn't hold as much luster as the big Hollywood gala, so they were off and shoved in the back of the bathroom closet by 2pm...but I have to admit that by this morning I was missing having glam lashes again...so I'll probably finally write that strongly worded email to Maybelline and pick up a tube of regular old Great Lash to see if it still works as well as it did in Jr. High...or maybe I'll just sneak the fake lashes out of the closet and wear them around just for fun - because hey, someone took the time to donate their hair for my beauty needs - and I would hate for someone's thoughtful hair donation to go to waste...

Florida Chick Goes Bargain Hunting

When I think flea market, I generally think of some HGTV show where they take a rickety old chair and turn it into a great shabby chic piece for under $20.00...or that show on PBS where the British brothers tell the little old lady that the ceramic vase she picked up last weekend is actually worth $18,000. So when I headed to the Mardi Gras Casino flea market this afternoon with Kaitlyn and her friend Lena, I was slightly surprised not to find more antiques...instead I found kiosks with giant underwear, used fur coats, and various vases that probably came free with a delivery of valentine carnations in 1984.

Once we discovered that the big plastic sunglasses from the 70's were the closest thing to an antique that we were going to find, we settled on a different mission: to find the tackiest item in the flea market and buy it. It was a difficult task finding the tackiest item, there was just too much to choose from. In our top 5 were a giant tie-dye painted ashtray, a collectors plate with a painting of Daddy Warbucks, a pink ceramic bird thing, a velvet tiger painting, and a portable toilet seat. But number one, (even tackier than the toilet seat) was a paper mache hippopotamus (painted like a giraffe) with a purple and gold kente cloth sack for a body and red paper mache feet...asking price? $5.00. I wish I would have had my camera because the description doesn't do it justice...it was just ugly...and confusing - a hippo in a sack? with giraffe spots? It couldn't even sit up because it didn't have a body...maybe you could hang it on the wall...

Anyway, we decided to buy the hippo, and being the expert HGTV watcher, I knew the rules...bid low, hold your poker face, and pretend that you're going to walk away if they don't meet your price. Apparently this works better in theory, because the minute I offered $1.00, the man glared at me with an evil eye (this does not happen on HGTV) and yelled to his wife in the back of the stall in a language I didn't understand..."$10.00" she yelled back. Now, I don't think I know all of the negotiating rules because I offered $2.00 next and pointed out that $10.00 was ridiculous because the original price was only $5.00. I think that maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if I had stopped there...but in my HGTV inspired overconfidence I also added, "cmon, no one else is going to buy this." I think that might have been the icing on the cake because from the back of the stall came the wife's voice yelling, "put it back, you go away and put it back." Kaitlyn, Lena and I put the paper mache hippo down and booked it out of there.

In the end, I came home with nothing from the flea market but shaken negotiating confidence and a little bit of resentment towards HGTV. Seriously, if you're going to offer flea market advice, please double check the South Florida rules because honestly, like everything else, they are a little different down here. I actually had fun hanging with the girls today and I even got an ab workout laughing about the portable toilet and the giant underwear. I can only hope that at the end of the day the ugly hippo didn't actually belong to some minor royalty and that it's actually worth $18,000...or, maybe I can hope that it is worth $18,000 and someone bought it for $5.00...and is now hanging it on the wall of their double-wide.

Florida Chick Watered Down

I'm not a huge fan of water...don't really like the ocean, really don't like lakes or rivers, basically I'm completely freaked out about swimming in the place where fish use the bathroom, and seaweed has the possibility of getting anywhere near my legs. Not only do I dislike being in the water - I'm not really a fan of drinking water either...I prefer drinking Gatorade...or Corona. But this week, on the advice of my friend Laura, who scarred me slightly by telling me the exact salt and sugar content of Gatorade...coupled with the fact that my jeans are just hinting at snugness - I decided to give up all drinks except water...no Gatorade, no Corona, no juiceboxes (which I tend to resort to if there is no Gatorade in the house) just pure, refreshing water.

I did pretty well with this challenge, we bought a big pack of water bottles (I'd hate to actually have to resort to drinking tap water) and I brought one everywhere with me. There was one grape G2 in the fridge staring at me until about Thursday...but I think Chris finally drank it, which relieved me of major temptation. I think the whole thing worked...I went to the doctor's on Wednesday morning and weighed in about 3 lbs. less than usual (of course, I did have to fast from midnight the night before, but let's just pretend it's the water). I really did feel good this week - more energy and kudos from Laura who had been seriously concerned about my unhealthy daily levels of Gatorade-salt-and-sugar. But of course, all good things must come to an end...including healthy habits...so when Chris came home from the grocery story yesterday with new bottles of Gatorade, I did my best to exhibit some semblance of self-control...meaning I waited about an hour until it was nice and cold before drinking it down, but hey - five days without is pretty good...now if only I had a Corona...

Florida Chick Tries Generosity

My friend Emilie has this great list of 101 things that she wants to do in the next 1001 days. I've tried to make my own list, but so far I'm stuck at number 54. I've stolen a few of her ideas, (since I seem to be slightly creatively challenged on my own) and this week I decided to put one of them into practice: pay for the person behind me in the drive-thru. Now, I'm not naturally generous. It's one of the many flaws of which I'm well aware - so when I decided to buy the person's coffee in the Starbuck's line behind me this past Wednesday, it was a huge stretch for me...especially since I was using a coveted gift card.

I pulled into the Starbucks line right around the corner from my school. For some reason I felt kind of nervous about the whole "sharing with others" thing - I think I was worried that the person behind me would order breakfast for their whole office and I'd end up paying $50.00 for coffee for complete strangers. I kept looking in my rear view mirror to see who would pull up behind me, and finally...of course, a completely tricked out Land Rover with chrome detailing driven by a fully made up woman on her i-phone. I'm not sure what happened inside me, but I just felt like I wasn't unselfish enough to buy coffee for someone in a $70,000 car. So I decided to wait...

So on Friday, I went back to Starbucks (I had a gift card so I figured I'd splurge on a second trip) completely determined to be unselfish this time and buy a coffee for the car behind me no matter what...and of course, no Land Rover this time...just a silver Mercedes convertible - the nice one (ok, so they're all nice) but honestly, the really nice one with the letters like CXLR or something like that - and of course, once again I backed out.

Now, if I'm actually going to pull off this generosity thing, I need to realize that at this particular Starbucks, 9 times out of 10, the car behind me in line will probably cost more than my annual salary. I should probably also realize, that wealthy people need free coffee too - in this economy you never know when the money saved on a non-fat caramel latte, might be just the $4.50 needed to make this month's car payment...or maybe not, which is why instead, I handed $2.00 to the homeless vet on the corner as I pulled out of the parking lot - after all, he might spend it on booze and cigarettes, but at least I know he'll appreciate it...and in the end, I didn't even have to share my gift card...not that I'm selfish or anything.

Florida Chick Makes Bread

I've realized that I'm more fallible than I'd originally thought - and writing about something new every single day just might not work out so well...but I'm still aiming for at least once a week - that seems reasonable enough - 52 new things in a year, I can do that - of course, I'm already at 32 so what's another 20? It's slightly draining to constantly be working on new things to write about, so thankfully this week my friend Travis stepped in...he's one of my biggest blog fans, and I suppose he was frightened that I might run out of ideas...so in a moment of brilliance, he sent me my next challenge, make Amish friendship bread.

I don't know how many of you are familiar with Amish friendship bread, but a friend (hence the name) starts a batch of batter, splits it up, and gives you a starter of your own - it's like a chain letter in a ziploc bag. My starter kit arrived in the mail from Michigan this past Tuesday - a ziploc bag of mushy goo and a list of directions. The directions are as follows:

Day one (the day listed on the bag) - mush the bag
Day two - mush the bag
Day three - mush the bag
Day four - mush the bag
Day five - mush the bag
Day six - add 1c. flour, 1c. sugar, 1c. milk - mush the bag
Day seven - mush the bag
Day eight - mush the bag
Day nine - mush the bag
Day ten - Pour the entire contents of the bag into a non-metal bowl. Add 1 1/2c. flour, 1 1/2c. sugar, and 1 1/2c. milk - Measure out four 1c. portions into gallon size Ziploc bags. Keep one for yourself and pass alont the other three to friends.

So in theory, this is a pretty simple task...it generally consists of mushing a bag of gooey bread batter for a week and sharing it with others. In reality, however, it didn't go quite so smoothly. First off, I recieved the bag of batter on Tuesday - which turned out to be day 7 of the cycle. I'm not usually one to stick all that close to recipes, so I figured even though I missed the "add-in" date, I'd go ahead and move forward...so I added the sugar and the flour - however, I didn't have any milk (and thanks to the stinkin grocery game - I only go shopping on Sundays now) so I added a cup of water instead.

I went ahead and mushed for the next three days...but when I got to day ten, I realized that not only did I still not have any milk, I was also out of sugar (I don't bake...what on earth do I need sugar for?). Fortunately it was Saturday so I ran to the grocery store a day early...but by the time I got home, I had completely forgotten the sugar (I never use that aisle) but I had a whole weeks worth of groceries including a a buy one get one free bonus pack of deodorant - and a gallon of milk.

Anyway, by the time Saturday night came around, my bag of mushy bread batter was beginning to smell rancid and it was leaking onto my counter through the not very strong zipper top of the ziploc. I still didn't have any sugar and I didn't have any ziploc bags to pour it into (we don't use plastic bags in our house - it's bad for the environment) and unfortunately, my Amish friendship bread, after a long week and 3000 miles of travel, ended up in the garbage...I just hope this is more a reflection of my ability (or inability) to bake, than my ability at friendship - So with apologies to Travis, I'm ready to try something new - let me know what you think I should try, I'm up for another challenge...as long as it doesn't involve baking.

Florida Chick Takes a Breather

The crockpot is about as Suzy Homemaker as you can get...and since my life has spiraled crazily out of control, Suzy Homemaker is exactly what I need. In general, we aren't typically "busy-life" people. We don't generally make plans weeks out because "we're so busy"...because we aren't. With the exception of Tuesday nights devoted to The Biggest Loser, we tend to be homebodies - splitting life between school, work, and reality T.V.

That's why this recent week, with very little time to breathe...or sit...or sleep I've had a slight meltdown - not necessarily emotionally - meaning I haven't had to breath heavily into a paper bag or buy any Atavan on the corner (isn't that the anxiety pill?) but I've definitely had a social crash. I've forgotton friend's birthdays, avoided answering the phone because I can't handle another conversation, and stayed away from all social networking sites (AKA Facebook) because I'm too tired to be fun and witty with my status updates. I've started my first ever season as a baseball mom, and it's exhausting....don't get me wrong - it's fun and exhiliarating - just exhausting.

In that past week, I've been to Jacksonville for a cheerleading championship and a weekend trip spent with cool but hormonal 12 year old girls, I've spent 3 nights watching baseball games, one night watching softball practice, two nights answering late-night texts from stressed out eighth graders about research projects, one Saturday not watching baseball games because I had to be at school for an open house, and 7 nights of crashing into bed before 9pm...I'm plain exhausted.

So tonight, I thought ahead and threw some chicken chili into the Crock-Pot before the first of three games this week. I set it on low and voila! we rolled in late to a completely finished and delicious dinner - no stress, no work and one less thing on my list of things to do...who knows, if I keep this up, I might even get to make plans with friends without scheduling weeks out...now, if only I could find some friends to schedule something with...

Florida Chick Rides Again

I am a huge control freak... so much so that I regularly dream about losing my teeth - because I have this dream almost weekly, I looked it up - apparently people who dream about losing their teeth have a fear of losing control - and I dream this A LOT. One of the main ways that this control issue comes out is through driving - I hate to be a passenger unless I'm driving with Chris or my dad, other than that, I like to be in the driver's seat. The first time that Monica and I drove to Florida from Michigan, I refused to let her drive any of the 28 hours and ended up with giant, swollen ankles by the time we arrived. On the way back to Michigan, I let her drive for about half an hour because my contacts were bothering me - but I had a panic attack as we were winding through the mountains around Nashville, so I made her find a hotel for the night.

This weekend I was forced to put myself in the passenger seat on a roadtrip once again. I drove up to Jacksonville for a cheerleading competition, and everything went smoothly...and,much to my passenger's delight, I even went 5 above the speed limit and made it there in 6 hours instead of 7 like the last time we went. I still refused to take one hand off of the wheel at any time or raise the volume on the radio above a whisper, but all in all the trip went well and we all arrived safely.

On the way home, however (after a first place win) I started to notice a cramp in my right leg. We stopped for Starbucks (Starbucks cures everything) but even after a short rest, I had a major charliehorse from driving and sitting all day...fortunately, my friend Laura was with me and agreed to make the drive home. Our choices were basically to stay stuck in Jacksonville because of a bum leg, or to take a deep breath and make the drive home as a passenger - I took a deep breath.

Fortunately, there was no panic attack this time, but I was surprised when Laura looked over and said, "ok, you can let go of the door handle now." I hadn't even realized that I was tightly squeezing the door for about the first half hour of the trip. After that, I tried not to grab for the handle everytime we went through construction...but I couldn't help it whenever we passed by a semi - that was just neccessary - and fortunately, Laura had the grace to pretend she didn't notice. Needless to say, we made it home safely and even in only about 5 & 1/2 hours thanks to her ability (unlike me) to drive above the speed limit. By the end of the trip I was very proud of my ability to take a giant step forward in conquering my control issue...now, if I could only stop with the tooth dreams.

Florida Chick Plays Hooky

Once when I was in college, I called my professor and told him that my grandmother was in the hospital so I wouldn't be in class (now that I think about it, did professors actually take attendance?) I actually used this excuse more than once, I just made sure that I never called the same professor twice. This was back when I was dating Chris and we would skip school at random because we basically had no major responsibilities. We'd dig through the couch cushions in his apartment to find enough money for a greasy breakfast at Bill's Diner followed by a walk through downtown Grand Rapids (before there was anything there), we'd make ramen noodles for dinner, and hang out with friends at Mulligans. To top it all off, we'd grab midnight chili dogs at Yesterdog, and talk about possibly doing the same thing again the next day....ahh, those were the days!

Unfortunately, marriage and jobs and kids have brought out the responsibility in us and we've settled into an honest use of vacation and sick days...ok, with the occasional, much-needed "mental health" day thrown in. But overall, we've been faithful workers and haven't abused the system - it's generally frowned apon to take the day off to visit your dying grandmother in the hospital when she's neither dying nor in the hospital. So today, even though I went through all of the right channels, and left all of the right sub plans, it still felt a little strange to be hanging out in the middle of the afternoon, in the middle of week knowing that my students are all working hard in the classroom (actually, they're probably not working that hard).

It's also funny to me that playing hooky is a completely different ballgame once you are an adult with actual adult responsibilitis. For starters, I still had to wake up early to take the kids to school - and because school is where I work, I stopped in to meet with my sub and make sure she didn't have any questions. It's Wednesday, so I stayed for chapel at school and sat with Carson while he sang songs and said the pledge. Monica and I sneaked out before the end of chapel, but ended up stopping in the office and having a conversation with my coworkers about having babies. By the time we finally left, first period was over and several people passed by me and said, "I thought you were going to be gone today."

We finally made it out and had a great breakfast at Einsteins (we went to the crepe place but it's closed - permanently!) followed by spa pedicures in amazing massage chairs. We only heard from the guys a few times, and once from my mom who wondered about picking up my brother. By the time lunch came around, we drove back to school to pick up the kids for an early release (they need cousin bonding time too). Lunch wasn't quite over, so I met Kaitlyn in the lunchroom and proceeded to have a 10 minute conversation with the same Middle School students who I had taken the day off to be away from. Before getting back into the car, I checked my cell, which had only one message from Chris: Estimated Time of Arrival? Sigh...

I guess that's the thing about becoming an adult...playing hooky just isn't the same, instead of greasy spoon breakfasts and late nights out, there's 15 minutes of girl time followed by frantic husband texts wondering where you are and when you'll be home. Playing hooky no longer means sleeping in and snuggling under the covers until lunchtime, it means dropping off the kids and trying to avoid eye-contact with others in order to be able to leave and be back to pick them up three hours later. On the flip-side, however, it also means no wandering around town without any money to buy anything, no having to make ramen noodles for dinner, and no homework to make up for a professor who may or may not have taken attendance. Best of all, it means hanging out with my best girl in the world and laughing hysterically about nothing and everything all at the same time...even texts from our hubbies...who really, just want to spend their day playing hooky with us too.

Florida Chick Plays the Game

My friend Maxine swears by the Grocery Game. It's this website that lists all of the grocery store deals and matches them with various Sunday paper coupons in order to maximize savings. I'm not sure why Maxine is all about the grocery game - she's the only friend I have that has a fountain in her driveway and a bathroom the size of my living room, then again, maybe it's because she clips coupons...food for thought.

I must say that I am not a coupon girl. At all. I have clipped very few coupons in my life, and I don't think I've ever actually used one, I typically find them about a year later shoved in the back of a random kitchen drawer long expired, but I promised Maxine I would try it, so today the Grocery Game was my goal.

I picked up a paper and rifled through the three pounds of ads that were shoved in the middle of the 8 pound paper. The problem that I found was that most of the coupons were for items that I never buy. My favorite was for $1.00 off of 12 cans of Delmonte vegetable products - 12 cans? What the heck am I going to do with 12 cans of Delmonte vegetables? I did find a few that looked promising - toothpaste, dishsoap, cereal - things that I use on a daily basis, and according to the Grocery Game I'm supposed to clip them even if I'm not going to use them right away because if it goes on sale next week, I can still use the coupon then and get an even better deal. So I clipped and filed and took a handful with me on the way to the grocery store - the ones that the Grocery Game listed that would save me more than 60%...

Ok, here's my problem - I mostly buy Publix brand, which when I figure the prices, end up costing me less than the coupon price of name brand labels. Also, I have an awesome dollar store right next to the grocery, and today, even though I was going to use my Crest toothpaste coupon, I found Crest at the dollar store for, well...a dollar. I also found Reynold's Wrap, Dial for men, and Softsoap...each one for a dollar - no coupon required.

Anyway, Maxine swears that the savings add up the more you use The Grocery Game, so even though I only saved $2.00 today, I'll keep clipping, and filing, and checking the website deals. Maybe one of these days I'll find a coupon to get me an even better deal than the Publix brand, and by then, maybe I'll have saved enough to be able to afford a fountain in my driveway too.

Florida Chick Goes Blue

I've actually been faithful about trying new things daily...just not so much about writing about them. I blame it on poor time management skills - yes, my own - but I'm trying to work on it. For the first time in my life I am now a baseball mom. I never thought it would happen - a gymnastics mom, yes. You know, the ones who line up in the gym lobby and look smuggly at each other when their daughter learns a skill that the others haven't gotten - well I planned to be the one with the smug look on my face. Instead, I'm watching my daughter find her passion as a softball player, and my son run the bases with the exact same strange running form his dad had. How did Chris's dream come true and mine become squashed? I'm not sure but somewhere in the midst of my pouting on the cold, steel bleachers, I lost all ability to manage my time well, and now I'm playing blog-catch up for all of my faithful readers - yes, all three of you.

On Wednesday I went to work without eyeliner. This is a big deal! Whenever I don't wear eyeliner people look at me strangely and ask if I need a Tylenol...or a nap. Don't underestimate the power of make-up people, have you seen Jessica Simpson's before and after pictures? She's not all that great - seriously, if I had her make-up artist I could be in US Weekly too. Anyway, I didn't actually intentionally not wear eyeliner - my time-management issue just caught up with me and I completely forgot. I noticed it when I got to school, but unlike usual, no one asked me if I was sick, or tired, or depressed...I'm attributing it to the fact that my bangs are in need of a cut but are currently long enough to hide the affect of eye-makeup - this might be the start of a trend...

On Thursday I baked muffins. This is also a big deal because I don't bake. Ever. I actually used to bake but it was so time consuming that I gave up and decided that ordering a cake from Publix or Coldstone is a much better option than slaving over a mixing bowl. I think I might have been a baker if I had realized earlier in life that you can actually make a cake from a box...but I didn't realize this until well after I was married. My mom always made cake from flour, sugar and eggs (etc.) and frosting from powdered sugar, milk, and butter (or cream cheese if it was a carrot cake, which was made with piles of freshly grated carrots.) This was just too much work for me but by the time I discovered cake mix and frosting by Duncan Hines, I had also discovered pre-made cakes from the grocery store. Anyway, Thursday I broke down and baked muffins for the cheerleading bake sale - I used a mix...and I'm still suspicious about the fact that it comes with "fresh" blueberries in a can...I thought blueberries could either be fresh...or in a can...but both? It's slightly suspicious.

Finally, we come to yesterday...when I got my nails done. Getting my nails done is not new - I go every two weeks, but I did get a new color...and not just any new color - the new color. Navy blue - the color that Jessica Simpson's make-up artist has probably recommended to her, and the color that my middle school girls are wearing (I'm not sure which one of these makes it more trendy). My nails are the one thing I can get away with changing regularly to show my personality without getting fired. I asked about a nose piercing, but was directed to the faculty handbook, which basically says "don't even think about it." I'd also like another tatoo, but I have to think carefully about where it's placed...believe me, middle schoolers have a way of finding these things...so it's nails for now, navy blue and sparkly...but you never know, I might find a place for that tatoo sooner than later...if I can fit it in between baseball games...

Florida Chick Figures it Out

I completely lack the ability to think rationally. I have no logical thought process, and basically I'm incapable of thinking things through from step 1 through step 5 without getting distracted halfway through. I learned this the hard way in highschool algebra. I spent hours working at the kitchen counter with my dad trying to figure out where two trains would meet if they were going in opposite directions at different speeds through different weather conditions...are you kidding? Give me an essay question anyday and I'll throw around some eloquent vocab and variable sentences and make it work, better yet, let me write a story about why the people on the train going south don't really want to meet the train moving in the opposite direction and instead want to take a vacation in Clearwater Beach.

However inept my logic skills, today, I was challenged to use whatever logic (however small) and solve the Rubik's Cube...which would be fine except that I didn't choose this challenge myself, it was placed on my by my daughter. It wouldn't be so bad if were just a basic challenge, but in our family the cube is one of Chris's prized possessions, he's the only person I know who can solve it without peeling off the stickers and putting them back in all the right places. Actually, he was the only person that I knew until Sunday, when my daughter figured it out...my nine year old daughter.

Being competetive in nature, I took on the challenge heart and soul...I spent the entire second half of the Superbowl working on the Cube and woke up yesterday for some extra practice time. I picked it up again when I got home from work, and took it into work this morning to practice before class. I got the yellow side once, but I'm not sure how - it was completely accidental, and by the time I switched it around again, I had forgotten any moves that I had used to make it work. I almost got the red side together, but apparently it took me too long because Kaitlyn became impatient and finished it for me (after rolling her eyes at my incompetence).

As frustrated as I am, I'm sure I'll get it before the week is out...at some point the rational, logical side of my brain just has to kick in and figure it out - of course, if I don't, I can always sit down and write a story about why the red stickers don't all want to hang out together on the same side of the cube...or better yet, just peel them off and stick them back in the right places...

Florida Chick's Big Game

The game hasn't started yet but already I'm getting panicky. For the first time ever, I promised my family I would watch the entire Superbowl - start to finish - and I'm a little nervous. I'm not going to pick up a book, call my sister for a nice 3 hour chitchat, or Facebook...actually, I'll probably Facebook - that would just be too much to ask.

I haven't actually ever sat through an entire Superbowl. I mean I've seen the Superbowl, but I generally end up in the other room watching Lifetime or Hallmark, and running back and forth just to catch the commercials. The few times we've gone to a party I usually end up in the other room with a group of girls talking about American Idol or the upcoming Academy Awards and visiting the gameroom for a possible glimpse of the halftime show - the last one I watched was Janet and Justin's infamous wardrobe malfunction, which I was talking through and missed the whole thing.

Two years ago I was ready to watch the big game. Chris's beloved Bears had made it to the Superbowl and they were down here in Miami...and so was Chris. The kids and I hadn't moved yet, but we bought plane tickets to come down for Superbowl weekend and watch the game together. It was such a big deal for Chris that the kids packed all of their Bears gear and even Chris's favorite orange and blue Bears blanket (this was obviously before you had to pay extra to take a suitcase on a plane). We drove to my in-laws so they could take us to the airport at 5:30 in the morning...just to wake up and find out that everything in Michigan was shut down because of a blizzard...including the airport. We ended up being snowed in at my in-laws for two days before finally getting on a plane to Miami. It was -11 degrees as we headed to the airport and the Bears were already two-day losers...we missed the game, but the kids were just glad to see their daddy.

This year the kids have once again gotten the Superbowl bug. They've asked to eat "giant tacos" and buy Steelers jerseys - we agreed to the tacos. They want to cheer on the teams as a family, and I've decided that it's about time I actually watch the game. So I'm cramming to finish my book before kick-off, and turning off the ringer on my phone (Monica, I'll have it on vibrate and secretly text you when I can), but if I can swing it, I'll be on Facebook - checking status updates, and posting pictures...but keeping an eye on the game...who knows, there might be another wardrobe malfuntion - and this time I'm not going to miss it.

Florida Chick Goes Sledding

I've never actually been sledding. I once went cross-country skiing - actually, I went twice. My parents had a moment in the late 80's when they thought cross-country skiing might be the next great family activity...and then they realized that no one in our family actually likes being out in the snow. I clearly remember renting skis at Reliable Sport and heading out to some trails on the north side of Holland. I also remember my dad rescuing me from a precarious situation in which I went down a very small hill, and my ski (still attached to my foot) ended up in the low hanging branch of a pine tree...not the intended outcome of the day.

I think that part of the reason I never went sledding was that it required wearing snowpants...and come on, let's admit it, snowpants are just not that attractive. Aside from the snowpants, I just don't like the cold, or the general outdoorsiness that sledding requires...this is why my kids, native Michiganders, both have memories of their first sledding trip with no, not their parents, but Mr. Brugger...a family friend who, let's face it, probably felt sorry for them for having parents that wouldn't take them out in the snow.

It's odd that my first sledding experience would happen down Fort Lauderdale on an 80 degree day...but it did. I decided to try something new and hop on a toboggan during our school's snow day. Snow day is the highlight of our students' year. A truck pulls up and deposits two tons of snow on the playground hill and the kids get to go sledding and drink hot chocolate and eat s'mores all morning long... it's the only place where I've ever seen snowcones as the after-sledding snack of choice. Anyway, by the time it was my student's turn, the snow was half mush, half ice and my students were face planting in the mud at the bottom of the.hill..which of course was the highlight. I stepped out of my comfort zone and jumped on a toboggan. I took my turn slipping and sliding down the hill - more afraid of getting dirty in the mud hole at that bottom than anything - but I made it, safe and sound. I don't think it was quite VanRaalte Hill, but I didn't have to wear snowpants and that was a huge bonus...plus, if you check the photo closely, you'll notice that I'm wearing flip flops - and that makes sledding in Florida all worth it.

Florida Chick Tumbles

Despite all of my ranting about wanting to lose 5 lbs, I secretly think I'm in pretty good shape (except for the running thing) and could possibly hold my own in a steel cage match. I currently have all of my middle school students thinking that I could beat them flat out in an arm wrestling competition, and I keep this little belief going by never arm wrestling them...as long as they think I can beat them I'm good...the minute I actually try and fail it's all downhill.

The thing about getting older is that not only do our bodies shift and change but our minds seem to become delusional about their actual ability...which may be why I decided that tonight, after 10 years (I haven't tried tumbling since before I was pregnant with Kaitlyn), I was going to tumble again. (And which may be why I think I'm up for a steel cage match.) Maybe it's not necessarily age that messes up women's bodies...maybe it's pregnancy. As I stretched myself out tonight to get ready for my big debut, I realized that in the past 10 years since trying any gymnastics, my body has stretched and bent in ways and places that stretching and bending really shouldn't occur. My ab wall has been pushed apart to give my babies room to stretch while they were hanging out in there, and somehow, my rear has attached itself further down my legs and higher up my back so that even though I didn't carry a baby back there I probably could have...and labor and delivery...c'mon, you don't even want to go there.

So here I am, 16 years and two kids older than my competition days, ready to pretend I'm 16 again...and actually, it didn't turn out all that badly. I completed my task...one round-off, one back-handspring, and one back tuck, a little lower and slower than I did it 10 years ago, but not bad. I suppose the worst part about it was that my wrists are still burning and my back won't quite let me stand up straight. I did see stars, but only for a minute. My shins are slightly throbbing and I think I might have pulled a hamstring... but even though I was out of breath after only one tumbling pass, I didn't pass out and I didn't break anything so I feel pretty good...I feel refreshed, young, ready to take on the world...and ready for that steel cage match- bring it on - actually, bring it on tomorrow...I'm a little too sore tonight, I'm popping a Tylenol P.M. and heading to bed...and praying that I can get out of bed tomorrow without a wheelchair.

Florida Chick's Crepe Day

The last time I tried crepes I was in Paris. There is just something about eating a pancake for dinner and dessert just because that's the thing to do when you're in France, like eating a Philly Cheese Steak in Philly or Key Lime Pie in the keys...so I was a little skeptical about going to the little crepe place in the strip mall next to Einstein's bagel in Ft. Lauderdale...but my other choice was Jamba Juice, and since I tried that already this week, I figured I'd give it a go.

I think it was the ice cream topping, but I have to say that crepes in Ft. Lauderdale are almost as good as those in Paris. Honestly, what's not to love about a nutella and cinnamon wrapped in a thin pancake and topped with ice cream - I guess that's what makes them different from Parisian crepes, the French would never be so unsophisticated as to top a crepe with plain old ice cream - maybe gelato - but never ice cream.

Not only was the crepe good, but I had great company. I got to sit with one of my favorite girls and talk about life while licking melty nutella off of a giant plate. I have to admit, though, it wasn't quite Paris, instead of the Eiffel Tower or Sacre Coeur in the backdrop, there was the stoplight at Broward and Federal where people honked their car horns and cursed out the driver in front of them...and instead of people watching on the glamorous Champs-Elysees, we watched the homeless man make his way across the street with a wobbly shopping cart...of course, not being in Paris isn't necessarily a terrible thing...let's face it - it is January, and even though it was noisy, and kind of smelly...we did get to sit outside in our cafe chairs, enjoying the sunshine, eating our yummy crepes in 75 degree weather...and that's something Paris just can't touch.

Florida Chick Hits the Beach

I tried the Atkins diet once and it lasted for about 3 hours, I just honestly believe that carbs are my friend. I also tried Weight Watchers, but I got mad when they told me I had to lose 13 lbs. 13 lbs? Are they crazy? I haven't been 13 lbs under this weight since the eighth grade. And really, I tried to enjoy spritzing a flour tortilla with "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" spray and Sweet 'n Low - but it's just not the same as a deep-fried elephant ear.

With these diet mishaps behind me, I decided to try my hand at the South Beach Diet today. Actually, I only picked up a South Beach Diet pre-packaged meal because it was on sale...but that's beside the point. I sat down at lunch today with my students and opened the cardboard box with two whole-wheat tortillas, low-fat mayo, sliced turkey, bacon bits and cheese. I have to admit - it was actually really good...not quite the bacon and cheese of the Atkins, but probably enough points to make me fail the weigh-in at Weight Watchers...and that's where I realized my problem. See, if you are a full fledged South Beach diet follower, (and believe me, if you've ever been to South Beach you understand that following a diet should be completely required if you're going to show up in a swimsuit) the mayo and cheese and bacon bits are just a part of this hip low-carb/good-protein lifestyle. But if you're just a normal "runs a mile every once in a while Florida Chick" then the mayo and cheese and bacon bits have now become 18 grams of fat that probably should have been traded in for an salad with viniagrette and an apple...

Not to mention that I made a huge pot of pasta for dinner which totally erased any hip, low-carb progress that was made by using whole-wheat tortillas...that and the 1/2 bag of lime tostitos, oh well, I have another South Beach meal in the fridge, and tomorrow is another day, you never know, I might go no-carb and just start out with a cup of black coffee and a hard-boiled egg...maybe.

Florida Chick Runs

I was inspired today as I watched hundreds of people cross the finish line of the Miami marathon this morning. Apparently it went from Coconut Grove to South Beach through the Art District and back...which if you're not familiar...is a stinkin long way. It reminded me that the last time I had been running was about 6 months ago in the Coast Guard 1 mile fun run...I had hoped to run in the 5K but, well...I just didn't have the energy...or ability - but this year is different, this is the year I become a runner.

I actually used to be a pretty good runner. I could run 100 meters faster than most other kids in my highschool, I could even jump over hurdles while doing it - but let me tell you, the minute I hit 105 meters, it was like I hit a wall - nevermind running a mile, that just wasn't going to happen. I actually went out for Cross Country my junior year...but I quit after the first practice, I've just never had the endurance to run long distance...which, to me, is anything over 100 meters.

Today though, I was determined. I grabbed my running gear (it took me a while to find the one pair of athletic socks that I own...actually they are the only pair of socks that I own.) And I decided to run the 1.1 miles to my parent's house. I walked the first .1 mile because I figured my goal was 1 mile - why make it any harder than it had to be - and then began to run. Let me tell you, it wasn't pretty.

After the first block my calves began to burn...I think they were slightly in shock. After the second block I began to notice a slight pain in my chest...but it was on the right side not the left so I figured I probably wasn't going to keel over from a heart attack. After the third block my teeth began to hurt - I'm not sure how this happens, but apparently it's just part of my entire body protesting about getting too much exercise. Finally, I made it halfway, which was a stoplight. I'm embarrassed to admit that I did the one thing I always make fun of people doing when they run...I ran in place until the light changed. It wasn't so much that I wanted to keep my heart rate up, more that I knew if I stopped, I would never start again. The second half of the run was easier...I think everything just became numb and my adrenaline took over. I was slightly embarrassed when I passed a real-life runner...he looked like he had just continued on his way from the Miami marathon. He was dressed in those fancy running clothes and wore a sweatband and everything. I tried to say hi but I was too out of breath.

Anyway, I am pleased to say that I made it the entire way without stopping...or puking. I'm a little sore (yes, already) but I'm definitely proud of myself - and the best part, I figure if I add in the running-in-place at the stoplight, I actually ran a full 1.1 miles...I might be a runner after all.

Florida Chick Gets Juiced

Down here in Sofla (that's South Florida to all of you northerners) Jamba Juice is to smoothies what Starbucks is to coffee. It hasn't quite made it onto every street corner in America, but there is at least one in each town...so after a long and arduous journey through the winding corridors of IKEA, I thought I'd treat myself to something new and made my very first visit to Jamba Juice.

I was excited to find out that all of Jamba Juice's ingredients are 100% natural and that they pride themselves on being a part of a healthy lifestyle. I don't neccessarily share their desire for a healthy lifestyle (as made apparent by my stop for fried dumplings afterward) however, I just get excited when a restaurant advertises their all natural ingredients...it makes paying $5.00 for a drink just a little bit easier to swallow.

Anyway, I chose the Mango-a-go-go with a free immunity boost. I'm not exactly sure what the immunity boost is, but it was free and I figure anything to help kick this cold would be helpful. I have to say, the smoothie was delicious, it was a huge drink (which, being a cheapskate I totally appreciated) and I even watched as they added fresh mango slices...yum.

It wasn't until I got home that I realized my Jamba Juice mistake. I opened my IKEA box and with only a no-word booklet, was expected to build a beautiful Swedish dresser out of 532 pieces of particle board and 84 screws. It was then that I realized I probably should have taken the free energy boost in my smoothie instead of the immunity boost...to heck with the cold, I could've just taken another Alka Seltzer... but it would take extra energy to put this baby together. Oh well, I'll know better next time...although I did have my eye on the wheatgrass shot for next time - energy and immunity in one...hmmm

Florida Chick Gets Sick

You know it's bad when I'm wearing my glasses. I avoid wearing glasses like the plague, I think I'm slightly scarred from the large coke bottles that I was forced to wear when I was in 5th and 6th grade...don't believe me? There's a photo somewhere on my facebook page showing of the lovely frames that honestly, no loving parent should have ever let their child wear.

Anyway, I'm home sick - and sick enough that I'm still wearing my glasses at 4pm. My head is pounding, my nose is stuffy, and everytime I cough I feel like there are needles in my throat -it's not pretty. It's been a few days now that I've been under the weather so I decided to try a new remedy. I'm not really one for cold meds...the kid's ones are pretty much sugar and red dye #3, and the adult ones make me sleepy, so this time I went for something new, I decided on Alka Seltzer Plus...with orange.

I don't think I've had an Alka Seltzer since I was 11 and ate too much Swiss steak at my grandparents' Sunday dinner. I think it probably made me so sick that I've pretty much stayed away from it for the last 21 years. But, seeing it at the drugstore, with it's bright Vitamin C filled orange on the front gave me the guts to try it one more time. It's worked pretty well the last few days , but today I decided to give it a little kick...I added it to a glass of orange Gatorade.

I have to say, orange Alka Seltzer and orange Gatorade don't make the best combination. It's kind of like that nasty, sugary orange stuff you have to drink when you're pregnant to check you're sugar levels - except with bubbles...and not as good. I'm not sure which is worse, being home sick with the aches and sneezes...or having to take red dye #3 or fizzy orange tablets in order to feel better...whatever happened to good ol' chicken soup? To top it all off, my eyes hurt and I can't even put my contacts in...at least I don't have to wear the coke bottles anymore...

Florida Chick Watches History

There were quite a few new things today (not to mention the lobster last weekend...but that's another story)...I tried a caramel truffle (yum!) and I tried orange Alka Seltzer Plus (ewww!). But the most significant by far was watching America's first African American president being sworn into office. I watched it with my daughter - who ate her lunch nonchalantly while Obama talked about standing firm and having hope. I assumed she was unfazed by the whole production until later when she looked at me and said, "On the day that I turn 35 I'm going to run for president."

I think that's the excitement about today - regardless of who we each voted for, my daughter realizes that we are truly blessed to have the right to vote, and that despite our country's ups and downs, stock crashes, gas prices, and economic trials she still wants to be a part of it. It's not that we look at one man and hope he can change the country, it's that we look at ourselves and get excited to jump in and be a part... that, and the fact that the presidency isn't just for the elite few anymore...it's for all of us - even nine year old girls.

Florida Chick Makes a List

I usually hate forwards and chain letters (I know, that's what they all say) but I thought I'd give it a shot, here is my 20 random facts chain letter...pass it on or bad luck will come to you in 42 days =).

1. I majored in English, journalism, pre-med, and education before graduating with a degree in Family Life Education at the age of 29, I also had both of my kids at my college graduation and have attended 3 different colleges...no, 4 if you include Muskegon Community College...oh, and 1/2 a semester at Hope - 5.

2. I was fourteen when I started dating Chris. We broke up a lot but always knew we'd get married. He asked me to marry him once when I was in highschool...I said no.

3. I am insanely addicted to recycling. I can tell you which evelopes can and cannot be recycled and which numbers of plastic can be recycled in Hollywood and in Fort Lauderdale...it's different for each city. I often rummage through the trash to find recyclables that have been thrown away by my husband, and there have been times when a trashed cereal box has caused hours of contention between us.

4. If I could only have one food for the rest of my life I would choose lime Tostitos and Paul Newman's mango salsa...or possibly Anthony's pizza...or Whole Food's chicken wings.

5. I am deathly afraid of walking barefoot in the grass. I have often caused myself to hyperventilate just by thinking about walking across the yard without shoes.

6. I love Jane Austen and William Shakespeare...but if I really had to choose, I would probably read something by Sophie Kinsella just to pass the time.

7. I almost exclusively drink grape G2 Gatorade and coffee with huge amounts of cream. I could pretty much make it through life with little else to drink.

8. I get huge amounts of pleasure cleaning the rabbit hutch and scooping its litter twice a day...but I hate to clean the bathrooms.

9. I love to drive. I get nervous when I'm riding in a car with anyone else but my husband driving...can you say "control issues?"

10. My only real fear is failure. If I'm going to do something I like to be the best...it's the only reason I've never taking a spinning class - I know for sure I wouldn't make it for an entire hour.

11. I've read every book of the Bible except for Revelations, which I refuse to read... I figure when the end is here I'll know.

12. I've never willingly bought a piece of clothing for full-price. Upon entering a store, I wil head directly to the clearance section without even looking at the main displays, and I will buy clothes that I'll never wear if they are on clearance for three dollars.

13. I have known since the 7th grade that I would adopt a daughter from China one day.

14. I think that Chris is quite possibly the wisest person I have ever met and I trust his judgment on everything completely...I sometimes think he should have been a counselor.

15. My sister has been my best friend since we were young. Living away from her is possibly the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my entire life.

16. I am an excellent speller.

17. I used to be a flight attendant and loved to fly...now, everytime I get ready to board a plane I wonder if the people on the flight are the people I'm going to spend my last moments with.

18. I love to dance...really, really love it. In highschool I had aspirations to one day be a Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleader - but I didn't really want to move to Texas...and, I've never had the hips to be able to wear those little shorts...sigh.

19. I don't watch any T.V. shows regularly except for The Biggest Loser, which I cry through for two straight hours every Tuesday night, and Rock of Love, which I'm completely embarrassed to admit, but which always makes me feel better about never having married a Rock Star.

20. I've had 9 jobs in my adult life...Gym club owner, Flight attendant, Accounts payable girl, Stay at Home Mom, Pampered Chef consultant, Body Shop consultant, Realtor, Parent Educator, and Teacher - where I finally found my calling...the only thing I'd like to add to the list is Writer - other than that, I think I'm ready to settle down.

Florida Chick Lashes Out

I'm convinced that mascara companies are quite possibly the biggest examples of false advertising that I've ever seen. To date, I've never had a good experience with mascara. I always have high hopes that when I open a new tube, it's going to transform my lashes into the same lashes that the model on the commercial has...they will be lush and long and feathery- instead, they always look exactly the same as they did before applyting the mascara except possibly a little darker and clumpier.

Recently, there have been so many new styles of mascara that I decided to give it another try, so this morning Kaitlyn and I headed to Walgreens to pick some out. Choosing a tube was much more daunting than I thought it would be. Have you been in the mascara aisle recently? There is volumizing mascara, lengthening mascara, and thickening mascara. Mascara with a silicon brush, mascara with silicon in it, and mascara with teflon. There is stilleto mascara (does it make you look taller?), and double-wanded mascara with sparkles...basically, it's ridiculous and impossible to choose a tube.

Finally, though, Kaitlyn and I agreed on the best possible choice - Maybelline XXL lash extension mascara. It claimed that my lashes would be 80% longer and have the appearance of false eyelashes because of the amazing dual brush technology. As soon as I got to the car I ripped open the package and brushed it on - first the conditioning tube with was like brushing a waxy white paste on my lashes, and second the mascara, which, you guessed it...left my eyelashes looking exactly the same as they did before I applied the makeup, except a little darker...and clumpier...sigh.

Fortunately Walgreens has a good return policy and they accepted my return with no questions asked. Kaitlyn tried to convince me to buy a tube of the mascara that creates tubes on your eyelashes, but by then I was too exhausted from looking up and down the aisles so I ended up heading home with the $8.99 in my pocket instead. I think that after years of trying to find the next best thing, I might just go back to everyone's favorite...the simple pink tube with green top that got me through highschool...Great Lash - and to top it off, it's only $4.99. Quite possibly I could end up with great lashes and $4.00 extra in my pocket - now that's a good deal!

Florida Chick Orders Breakfast

I used to coach high school gymnastics. Every Saturday we would leave at 6:30am for an invitational...this was well before Starbucks dominated every corner of suburban America so it became a tradition that the other coaches and I would take turn picking up McDonald's breakfast for each other to eat on the way. There was a lot of superstition involved in the whole process - we had to order a sausage mcmuffin with egg and a cinnamon roll...we would then open the cinnamon rolls to see which had the most frosting - the head coach would get the one with the most, I would get the one with the least. I'm not sure exactly how I didn't feel shafted about this whole process...I guess superstition is superstition. And anyway, just in case the frosting thing didn't work as a good luck charm, it should probably be noted that we were also wearing our lucky green underwear.

It's been a while since I've been back to McDonald's for breakfast. I pick it up occasionally for the kids when we're running low on Apple Jacks or pancake mix - but rarely do I grab anything but coffee. So I decided (since we were running low on Apple Jacks and pancake mix) to pick up McDonald's for breakfast today - and to try something new.

The breakfast menu is a little odd for me. I love pancakes but am skeptical about hotcakes made en mass, I'm also concerned about the breakfast chicken. I have specific rules about food - number 1: chicken cannot under any circumstances be eaten before 12 noon, it's just not right. I decided on the sausage bisquit (is that how you spell it??) Anyway, it was fine. I rummaged through my desk drawers at work looking for a ketchup packet to cut the dry-flour taste but only found mayo and relish, (and 3 tubes of lipstick and an empty breathsavers wrapper from the day I kept the food journal) which were obviously no help.

In general I think I'll stick to McDonald's coffee, and maybe a barely-frosted cinnamon roll if I become desperate. Oh, and by the way, just in case you're wondering...my food rule #2: Never eat food in the bathroom...especially if it's chicken before 12 noon.

Florida Chick Goes Clubbing

My dad bought a boat when I was in highschool. We kept it docked at Macatawa Bay Yacht Club and for a year or two we felt a little bit like a part of the in-crowd. I'd love to write about the time that my best friend and I got caught skinny dipping in the yacht club pool...but my mom is reading this and I really don't want her to know about it...

Anyway, as great as it was to be a part of the yacht club, I'm going to come right out and say that MBYC has nothing on the Fort Lauderdale Yacht Club. First of all, I think that the annual fee for Fort Lauderdale is just about equal to my annual salary (Tami? M.B? - you know it's true.) And second, today I parked next to a Rolls Royce - you just don't see that in Holland, Michigan.

But today I headed out with one of my favorite students to lunch at the club. The club is not a completely new experience, I've actually been there before to swim, (let's just say, I know people) and because it's in the same neighborhood as school, they've even been so gracious as to host a few class parties - but lunching at the club was a totally new experience. We walked through the different dining rooms to our booth (both of us giggling like schoolgirls...even though only one of us was) and had a seat with a few other elderly couples in Polo Shirts and Lily Pulitzer pantsuits. (The younger set was sitting outside by the pool cooling down in their tennis whites after what was apparently a rousing group lesson). It was only slightly awkward when the waitress asked me for my member number and I had to explain that I wasn't actually a member, but instead I was being treated to lunch by the 13 year-old sitting across from me. Other than that, it was a great time and my only regret was that I left behind the left-overs that I was going to take home for dinner tonight (not tacky at all). The best part? Possibly the chocolate-chocolate chip cookies...and the fact that we didn't scratch the paint on the Rolls on our way out.

Florida Chick Makes Stuffing

I didn't realize you could actually make stuffing just to make it. I mean, I know that you can make cranberry chutney Thanksgiving stuffing as a turkey sidedish and I've seen recipes that call for a cup of stuffing here or there, but tonight, when I came home from work without a dinner plan, I rifled through cupboards until I came across an unopened box that was left over from a past Thanksgiving (I'm hoping this past one) and decided to make some stuffing to to go along with the burgers that I pulled out of the freezer.

I suppose I was most concerned when I read the directions and they said to add 1&1/2 cups of water and a quarter cup of spread. Spread? I don't think that's an actual food. I'm assuming they meant some sort of butter/margarine spread but since I didn't have either, I used a tablespoon of "I can't believe it's not butter." I did appreciate the fact that all I had to do was boil and fluff - but it made me wonder, what's the big deal with all of the Thanksgiving stuffing horror stories.

I don't actually do Thanksgiving dinner. I don't particularly care for Turkey, in fact, I suggest ordering out for Chinese EVERY YEAR. No one ever takes me up on the offer and I end up having to make some sort of potato dish. Anyway, with burgers made and stuffing served we dug in...I must say, it was kind of rubbery and chewy with no cranberries or celery to hide the gummy texture, I suppose it was better than a plain hamburger patty, but I definitely understand why none of the gourmet magazines use Stove Top as their main ingredient...and either way, I'm still not convinced that next Thanksgiving we shouldn't just order out for Chinese...

Florida Chick Recaps

I have to admit that today I took a hit and didn't really try anything new...well, I wore a new shirt (the cute pink and green argyle one in the photo...I love a good sale!) but I'm not sure that that counts. Instead, I thought that instead of feeling guilty for missing a day (seriously, if this was a diet I would have had a breakdown for missing a day and stuffed my face with birthday cake in an effort to make me feel better) I thought I'd just give a few updates from the last 12 days, here are the top 5:

#1 - Grilling - I'd like to say that since learning how to use the grill I have become the family grillmaster - but unfortunately, Chris seems to think I'm not up to the challenge and has since asked me to take responsibility only for the side dishes, apparently he doesn't want to risk having to use steak sauce because he has to, only because he wants to.

#2 - No-sewing - Ok, I had big dreams for the fusable webbing. In my mind I was tailoring pants, making cute designer pillows for my couch, and turning previously used sheets into curtains, at the very least, I was hoping that by today I'd be able to report that the no-sew skirt was such a success that I've been wearing it day after day. Unfortunately I found out the hard way that you are supposed to wait a certain amount of time before throwing the fusable webbing in the wash...a fact I wasn't aware of until I threw it in the wash and the entire front and back panels of the skirt came off...I'd wear it, but then I'd possibly risk being picked up for indecent exposure...I'm sad to say - the skirt made it's debut and then was laid to rest by being turned into dusting rags...


#3 - The non-Mac computer - the computer is still sitting wobbily on a very unattractive baker's rack in the living room, but not for long - no, not because we've got a new desk (although I have had some very nice offers - this blog is almost better than Craigslist) but because we've discovered that no matter what we do...new software, hours of tech support, friends with computer knowledge on par with Bill Gates - the computer just does not work. It has some virus or other which causes it not to work and it's pretty much a lost cause...hmmm, should've waited it out for a Mac.

#4 - The organic cat food - All I can say is that as of today I think Tommy has lost three pounds because he refuses to eat it. I mixed it with his cat chow and he picked the cat chow pieces out and left the rest. He still hasn't eaten but Chris insists he'll eat it when he's good and ready (he obviously found out how much it cost) I guess I never knew Tommy enjoyed preservatives and red dye #3 so much.

#5 Finally, Starbucks - I returned to Starbucks yesterday and instead of getting a skinny vanilla latte, I ordered a white chocolate mocha...I was so depressed about the chai latte earlier in the week that I broke down and went for full fat. What I have discovered, though, is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. While at Starbucks, Kaitlyn ordered a mango orange smoothie...and it was incredible! So, I decided that even though everything hasn't turned out great, maybe trying new things isn't all that bad...maybe I just need to keep trying new things until I find the one that's right for me - of course then that new thing would become an old thing and I'd have to start the process all over again...

Florida Chick Goes Shopping

I wanted to buy a pair of skinny jeans today...it's taken me a year and a half to get up the courage to finally want to try a pair and now I think I might have taken too long. I headed to Old Navy but there were no skinny jeans to be found - just flirt and diva jeans. I'm guessing that I'm once again on the backside of the fashion trend and just when I get into the game, what I thought was cool is already last year's thing.

I did end up with a pair of new jeans (apparently the flirt jeans are best for my figure) but it gave me a sneaking suspicion that the retail industry is doing its part to jump-start the economy by lowering women's clothing sizes - I ended up with a pair of size 4 jeans. Now, this is honestly not an attempt to gain pathetic comments about the size of my clothing, I promise, I'm not looking for a cheery comment about my figure to boost my confidence. I actually have a pretty good body image, but I'm realistic - there is no way I'm a size 4. I never have been, I actually own a pair of Old Navy jeans from last year and not even those are a size 4.

I weigh a few lbs. less than I did in highschool but with about 90% less muscle mass, so I'm a little skeptical of these sliding jeans sizes since in my senior pictures I wore a very cool pair of tight-rolled and high-waisted, frosted size 7/8 jeans. Even at my smallest, which was in 1996 after a pretty bad bout with the Freshman 15 and a subsequent workout binge enforced by my mother, I fit nicely into a size 6 - I've hovered around there ever since.

But maybe this is exactly what the economy needs. I mean, what better way to inspire women to shop than by boosting their self esteem through a pair of jeans. I don't know about anyone else but Old Navy certainly got my attention. I mean, really...I know I'm not a size 4 but if they want to tell me that I am and con me into buying a new pair of jeans because of it - well, I suppose that that's an economic stimulus package I can live with.

Florida Chick Unplugged

I've been watching football all day, and Disney, and football...not necessarily in that order. See, today I decided that I would make the effort to stay away from all electronics...once I realized that that would include the coffeepot, however, I decided to lower my expectations and just stay away from the T.V. and the computer. Of course, my decision to turn off the T.V. didn't go over well with my family...so it turned out that instead of not having the televieion on, I had it tuned to channels that I wasn't interested in...no Lifetime, no Hallmark, no Food Network... it was incredibly difficult to drink my coffee this morning without watching Giada make another great Italian dessert with Hazelnut and Nutella.

Turning off the computer wasn't so bad, I mean, after my first initial obsessive moments when I was overwhelmed by the desire to check my facebook account (I hate to have to wait to check everyone's status updates) I was fine. I did have to break my technology fast for one moment this afternoon after I had a really nice girl come to my door and try to sell me a fabulous but expensive cleaner. She was very sweet and I invited her in to try it out on my floors and my shower doors, then I gave her a Gatorade and sent her on her way...

I don't know how much each of you know about South Florida, but apparently it's not smart to invite strangers into your house. Chris freaked out and mentioned it to our neighbors who mentioned the strange van that had been driving around our neighborhood and who the police had been checking up on to make sure they weren't casing the neighborhood. Anyway, I ended up on the internet checking the validity of the cleaning company...and then when I didn't find it - looking up the number for the police station to let them know that there were people going door-to-door possibly checking things out...seriously, this just does not happen in West Michigan. Back home, I probably would have given her the Gatorade and then invited her in for dinner and movie.

In the end, staying away from the T.V. really didn't benefit me as much as I had hoped, and keeping away from the computer was more noble in theory than in action...I suppose if you're counting down the hours until you can check for your latest wall post, it's probably a bigger problem than what one afternoon without the internet can solve. All in all, it was a challenge that worked out well...but next time I'm going to fast from something easier...like breathing.

Florida Chick Pumps Iron

Aside from last week's no-sew skirt, the last time I ironed...well, was probably back when we lived in Michigan. I think that me being a non-ironing housewife was possibly one of the biggest adjustments that Chris had to make when we first got married. My mother-in-law (whom I love dearly) was possibly the world's best ironer. When Chris lived at home he always had freshly pressed clothes...including jeans, t-shirts and boxers. I'm sure you can imagine his surprise the first time he asked me to iron something and I looked at him blankly...iron? The only thing I had ever ironed before was my hair...seriously, my mom would lay me down on the floor with my hair spread out over the ironing board and she would press it flat with the iron...other than that, I think it mostly sat in a cupboard somewhere.

I actually do own an iron and an ironing board, they came with our house - I found them in the garage when we moved in last year. I think I might've actually gotten an iron for my wedding too, but when we left Michigan I gave it to Goodwill, I figured there was no sense in moving it down here when someone could actually get some use out of it up north. Pretty much the iron and board sit contentedly on a shelf in the garage and raise my self esteem by allowing me to answer (if I'm ever asked) "Of course I have an iron." Mainly though, I try to hide them away so that they won't fall and hurt anyone...I figure if I don't have to get them down, they can't accidentally fall on someone's head...or cause an unecessary burn - a win-win situation.

Anyway, today out of the blue, Kaitlyn asked if I would iron her shirt. Honestly? I was surprised she even knew we owned an iron. Of course this was after a long conversation about not going to school looking like a street-urchin (seriously, these kids get a casual day and they really go with it...I'm just glad she didn't ask to wear pajamas.) and despite the fact that she has a bajillion Hannah t-shirts, she apparently really only wanted to wear the one she had on. Anyway, I agreed to take the challenge...and really, it only took about 30 seconds from start to finish. Smooth and slide, smooth and slide - it was great. Clean, pressed shirt - good impression - very little effort, that's my kind of chore. I mean, I'm not going to go crazy and make a habit out of it or anything...I'm just as happy paying OXXO $5.00 to clean and press the important stuff, but every once in awhile I suppose I could break out the iron and treat my family to a wardrobe full of nice wrinkle free clothing...or maybe I'll just invest in a bottle of Downy wrinkle release...

Florida Chick Wears Flip Flops

I'm a rule follower, I always have been. When I was in elementary school I wasn't allowed to watch PG-13 movies...so I didn't...even when I was at slumber parties. I was the girl at the party who would grab a book and read it in the other room while my friends watched Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman - just in case my parents found out. Actually there was this one time when I was riding the Metro in Paris and convinced my mom to sneak up to the First Class car. She tried to convince me that it was a bad idea and that we might get kicked off...I convinced her that being kicked off of the train was impossible because there really weren't "train police" that came through to check if you had a first-class ticket or a regular one...guess which one of us was wrong. So anyway, after 15 minutes of pretending that neither one of us spoke French or understood the Metro system rules...basically 15 minutes of pretending that we were completely idiotic Americans, the "train police" let us off with a warning and walked us backed to the regular-class car. That was the last time I intentionally broke the rules.

You can imagine the difficulty for me then, when I decided to wear flip flops to school today- My faculty handbook says "no flip flops" but my outfit screamed flip-flops...a definite dilemma. I'm generally a heel girl, even with jeans, but today I just couldn't get it to flow (possibly it's a pants issue and not a shoe issue). Down here in Florida, flip flops come in all different categories - the beach kind, the sparkly kind, the athletic kind, and the sexy kind to name a few - it's actually pretty hard to find a pair of shoes that doesn't fall into one of these categories. This is Florida, everyone wears flip flops - and it's not like mine fell into the beach category...it's just that they didn't exactly fall into the "following the rules category," either, so I have to admit I was rather stressed - first because I was breaking the rules, and second because I really have a hard time wearing anything that doesn't make me at least 3 inches taller than what I really am.

I have to admit that breaking the rules is incredibly stressful, I kept hiding my shoes underneath my desk and hoping no one would notice...until the end of the day when I realized that the only one who cared about my shoes at all today was me. Honestly, between the stress of worrying about breaking the rules and the effort to shove my feet under my desk for 8 hours straight - I completely forgot to enjoy the fact that it's the first week of January and I'm not wearing snow boots. So next time, (maybe even tomorrow) I'm slipping them on, wearing them proudly, and just maybe getting a new pedicure to go with it.